Notes on the Philippine Constitution textbook...

Love is a long journey. When that journey stops, love has finally reached its home.

But, what if the journey never stopped? What if love thought that at last, home was found only to realize that the road would still be waiting? What if love thought that it is the master of its ship, but just realized that the sails can never meet its peace? What if the prince of your every fairy tale was no where in sight?

Wounds can heal, and pains would perish, but the emptiness of the soul lingers every minute of the day? And when you thought that you're alright, memories would still haunt you.

Sometimes, falling in and and falling hard with love can be tiring. Giving up someone you cherished so much is a painstaking experience. Is it this painful every time cupid strikes his bow? Possibly because this makes us cherish relationships even more. To learn the value of a relationship. To shape us to be the best person that we can be.

***

Falling hard for love is difficult. But being stocked weeping about the shadows of the past, I think not.

Life must go on. Hope will be the glowing traffic of our lives's many intersections.

***

Pain and lessons are the consolations we get from love, which we can use to move on to a different direction. Just believe that there's someone out there who waits and prays for you.

***

Real love brings out the best in all of us. It is the kind of love that makes us do well and feel good. This one is worth fighting for This could be a long process, but you surely wouldn't want to miss this. Give it your best try.

***

In loving, we tend to forget about ourselves. But love yourself first, so that in loving, falling and trying to love again will just happen spontaneously.

***

Be thankful that once in you life, you have felt so right about a person.


These I found scribbled in blue ink at the back of my Philippine Constitution textbook. Date was March 2004. I haven't been in love at that time. Not even once.

just because

Have you ever felt happy, but won't find the details on how to explain it?
Or, have you felt a smile sleepily creeping your lips upon waking up?
How about suddenly losing your thoughts because something really good has been crossing your mind?

But, then again, words fail to match every color of emotion you are having inside.
Everything just feels oh so good!
And you feel like shouting at the top of your lungs that you are, indeed happy!

Someone would surely notice the smiles, the dreamy eyes, the light tiptoe you have every time you walk.
Someone would eventually know that you are, finally happy.
That someone might ask you..why are you happy?

You suddenly became aware, that again, words will just fail.
And then you say with a smile.. "just because..."

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The Pencil Dancer

For 22 years, life has been a lot of struggles in discovering, rediscovering, thinking that I have discovered and trying to forget some of those discoveries about me. With those small and huge struggles, I can say that I am victorious.

No, this is not one of those drama episodes you guys have been immersed to everytime you click into the web link for this humble blog. This is an episode worth celebrating.

For many years, I was a nerd. Yeah, with contact lenses, an awkward posture and hunger to prove that there is nothing wrong with being gay. Then I realized that proving it to everyone is the least important detail to ponder on.

Then came the time when I have to fall in love. Life was roller coaster. Life was.. him.

Which we all know is a big mistake. So, for a while depression set in. I realized that falling in love is not the game I'm born to play. ( And, I also realized that my hairline was really high!) So, came in the healing process. The time for rediscovering life again.

And then came the time I remember very clearly that I tried to embrace the inner 'amazona' in me. I tried playing tennis. Imagine that!

But, after a while I learned that I was never created to feel my sweat, to feel my hands being caloused from the tennis racket. Never was I created to feel my skin slowly baking under the sun. No, this is not me.

But, God was good, and made me realize that purple is my color....

...and that my middle name is Pencil Dancer.

P.S. I told you guys, I was a mermaid...

Guessing Game

I was browsing thru my archives when I suddenly pulled out this picture. You may now start guessing who the Pencil Dancer is...

P.S. I'm so0o sorry Dax! peace! hehe.

Hello..

Saturday, around 4 AM:

Induced by one miraculous sleeping pill, my deep slumber was disturbed by Rihanna's Umbrella. I thought that I was just dreaming, but Rihanna was singing from my cellphone. Good thing was that my battery was fully charged at that time. So, of course, realizing that the phone was actually ringing, I answered it.

Philippe: Hello? ( a phlegmatic noise gurgling from the effects of the pill)
Caller: Hello!
Philippe: Hello... ( this time, I was sure of who the caller was)
Caller: Hi!
Philippe: hanged-up, grabbed a can of San Miguel Pale Pilsen, a pack of Marlboro Menthols and went to commit a suicide.

The caller was the Ex, and I didn't die. Well, I thought I did for a while, but no, I have too many drama episodes to commit into.

Sunday morning:

I was dealing with a pretty mad stomach. I have a steel-designed stomach, so I wasn't sure of why my stomach was hurting me.

Cellphone rings. A text message: "Philip, hearing your hellos was exciting though abrupt. It seemed technology failed my own hellos to echo. Would it be alright if I make another attempt?"

I thought, second attempt for what? Another hello that would lead to my suicidal nature? A second hello that might lead for his another 'raining on my life'?

Or maybe, another hello to tell me that he wants his things back? This time for good?

I have no way of knowing, because no hello came from me this time.

The Little Mermaid and some other whatnots

An officemate and I were laughing our throat out a while ago and it started with her noticing my skin. My skin, except from my facial skin, is naturally shiny. I don't know why, but it has always been like this. She told me that maybe I should go to a dermatologist for this to be checked. I told her that there is no need because it is with my genes. Why? It's because I used to be a mermaid. And then we laughed with this silly explanation. Thanks to Misterhubs, 'Part of your World' will be the office soundtrack for the rest of the week.

And then I asked her, what if you were given a choice, choice is: to work in this company or be a mermaid. Officemate said, she'll just work and get paid rather than be a mermaid, because mermaids don't have sex lives. Mermaids have fish tails and no sex lives. Ok, it took me a while to get her explanation. It was so silly that I wasn't able to grasp the idea with the normal speed I have for these things. But, she is quite right, I have to agree with her.

When I was younger, my younger sister and I was so fond of Disney's 'The Little Mermaid'. I remember her 12th Birthday, she was in an Ariel costume and everyone else was trying to mimic the party's theme. I was the Prince Charming (whatever that character's name was). No, I didn't want to be the mermaid back then, I was happy to be the prince. Back then, I wished that when I grow up, I'll be a tall, toned, bronzed, hairy and princely somebody. That was back then. Nowadays, obviously, all I want are those tall, toned, bronzed, hairy and princely men. hehe. It's really true that the only permanent thing in this world is change.

So, on with change. Being the only permanent thing in this world, the only key that we have to survive is to accept, accept whatever the changes might bring. Growing up, I always picture myself as a leaf. A leaf would never want to be separated from its tree, but there would be a time when the leaf has to go. The wind or whatever might bring the leaf to a foreign place, so foreign the leaf's only option is to accept.