bitter kasi single

(I used to have a blog prior to this one. And this was the first entry that I had there. Funny the way I used to think at that time.)


"I don't believe in love. I believe in fucking. It's honest, it's efficient. You get in and out with the maximum of pleasure, and minimum of bullshit. LOVE is something straight people tell themselves they're in, so they can get laid and they end up hurting each other, because it was all based on lies to begin with."
-Brian Kinney(Queer as Folk)


Sometimes I imagine myself in Brian's pants and shoes. Maybe, if I'm going to act the way he does or believe in the things he believes in, then life would be a lot bearable.
You see, I was burned before. I was burnt too much that I was left with scars my soul would bear for the rest of time. Once I was having a cig alone, a thought came up. We all experienced being scarred from loving something, for loving someone. It's like the burning sand that you walk in before you get to the shore. You have to feel the burning sensation. You have to scream if you have to for screaming and ranting and being bitter is part of the process. You scream and scream until you can't no more. Throat dries up so your only choice is to keep everything inside and cope and salvage yourself from the feeling that is slowly eating you.
Then silence. Then the cooling effect of the sea water on your feet. Then the comfort, the silent bliss.
But then again, this process is tiring. And everytime I experience this, there is a moment when I might not reach the shore. The next time I might not reach it...